Night Writing

In college, I did all my writing in the middle of the night, whether it was writing papers or stories for classes, blogging, chatting to friends that we ought to be asleep, whatever. Back then it was more for lack of other options; I went to class and work all day, had rehearsals usually from 6pm to 10pm every night, and then went home and did my homework or pulled all nighters the night before the paper was due. Or I blogged because I couldn't sleep, or because I was bored or had some burning issue from the day to get down in writing.

Now I work from 6pm-2am, and in order to have some semblance of daylight hours during which to audition, run errands, be functional, I think of myself as going to bed a little later than most people and sleeping in a little late. Essentially still awake during normal waking hours. But those daytimes which I think I have to write, think, plan, etc., aren't ever as productive as I want them to be. At first I thought it was just a motivational hump I had to get over, but as I try to get back into the swing of jotting down a little something every day, I realize that when I try to make even something as trivial as a blog post happen in the morning, the window sits open all day until I get home at night, perhaps several days. When I open up the page at night, I type out a quick thought, proofread (most of the time...), and post, the end. If it's late enough I may type something I end up regretting the next day, but it at least gets done.

I knew I was a night owl from the first time I ever opened my eyes to sunlight streaming in through my windows, went "mrmph" and buried my head under the pillow to go back to sleep. I was probably about two. I knew from the very first summer break I had after starting kindergarten, when I would completely reverse my day/night cycle, reading in bed, watching Nick at Nite reruns and sneakily playing with my brother right up until the four days before the new school year started when I would grumpily begin trying to get back to a sleep schedule conducive to schoolin'. I know that I would be getting much more writing done now if I let myself work 6p-2a shifts, come home, get to the real work while I'm awake and alert and undisturbed and undistracted, let myself fall asleep when I may, and wake anytime just as long as I'm on time to work the next day. Because that would be prioritizing the writing, using whatever means necessary so long as it means churning out some substantive work sometime soon. It's not just the block of quiet time, it's the actual effect that nighttime has on me. I feel more alert, more quick, more clever and witty. More thinkful, if I were to channel Dr. Seuss for a mo.

I'm just too reluctant to give over wholly to my natural cave troll instincts. It may be my natural rhythm and the one which will maximize my creative output, but am I really ready to admit that I am most productive when I deal with nothing and no one, that I lack the simple ability to produce something of value while adhering to the schedule that serves everyone else just fine? That the sun and I are, in fact, natural enemies?

It is 3 o'clock am, and though I am tired, I just don't feel like goin' to bed.